Shandra Lee. With Heart Wide Open. A Miracle In The Making.

Partly Perfect and Brave To Boot p.1

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The electricity in the room was tangible. 80 or so women worshipping The King. They were well into the groove. The Zone.

Vibrancy, Emotions. The raw Presence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She slipped into the back hoping to go unnoticed. She didn’t feel like being ‘a presence’ she wanted obscurity. Willing the lights to further dim  but to no avail. As often happens ,heads , in a slow motion wave , began to turn looking her way. 

Pressed down. Pressing in. Pressing on. Feeling weighted down. Attempts to raise her arms were futile. Sitting there she wondered why He had brought her here.

~~~~~~~~~~

“There is nothing that qualifies me to be standing here except the Grace and Call of Christ”. This plucky little blonde had just shared quite the testimony of wounded brokenness, healing, deliverance and Faith. “If Christ had come for only the good or perfect, I would not be standing here today telling you these Truths.

She was  listening.

be at rest once more , oh my soul, for The Lord has been good to you. psalm 116:7

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ramona Prison Fellowship Mathany described her early life. She shared about the “badges” she and others  had attached to her. Labels by which she was identified; (lukewarm) Catholic, compulsive behaviors,  negative self talk…even though she was successful at everything she touched.

She was listening.

Ramona discretely shared how at an early age, vulnerable and trusting she had been taken advantage of. At an early age vulnerable and “weak”, she had blamed herself. At an early age she had begun a negative spiral of seeking fulfillment in a variety of wholly unhealthy sources. 

She was listening.

 be at rest once more , oh my soul, for The Lord has been good to you. psalm 116:7

~~~~~~~

“its not your fault”

Ramona Mathany. Lovely grown woman, public speaker, wife, mother, follower of Christ, Disciple Maker. . She had believed for decades as many do, that we had somehow invited, asked for, promoted abuse or neglect or generational curses..  And as many do, had “embraced” the very destruction perpetrated on her. One day , as a grown woman, Ramona realized she had control and anger issues  then shared with her husband her thoughts. Simply put he said you were taken advantage of  by so and so “And it’s not your fault“.

She was listening.

be at rest once more , oh my soul, for The Lord has been good to you. psalm 116:7

~~~~~~~~~

Every woman in the room was holding her breath. Each one of us have struggled with issues of control and anger/resentment rooted perhaps in feeling  taken advantage of at some point in our lives. In our minds we KNOW it’s not our fault. In our hearts we wonder.  We have that little seed the very voice that comes to kill steal and destroy~ made us despair of being born female. And we purpose to protect ourselves from being vulnerable again . That “little” voice that tries to rise up, sometimes calls  out….Christs voice now saying “It’s not your fault”.

She was listening

be at rest once more , oh my soul, for The Lord has been good to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the second floor motel room sleep eludes her. Writing . Praying. Weeping. Wondering what’s next in this process…this weekend.

When The God Head shows up, things happen. When we say “Yes” to His Call things happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

 “There is nothing that qualifies me to be here except the Grace and Call of Christ”. This persevering Gal has a testimony of healing, deliverance , obedience and Faith.

If Christ had come for only the good or perfect, I would not be here today Bravely sharing  these truths as part of my story.

Perfected or Not~here am  I, 

to be continued~~~~~~Shandra

Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

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