Freedom Friday

Parenting is a  great joy in its season. We spend many lovely hours  sharing stories and experiences and learning the deep lessons of each Season. There has not been a time when I have ever been sorry to be a parent. Never. All the naysayers who whisper “oh just wait….”  til the “terrible twos” “Teenage Trials” and so on. Don’t listen.

Life is not perfect. People aren’t either. Raising  children is a great joy in its season. Every Season. What ever age or stage, your job and joy is to raise them well, then let them go. So very proud of my Two.

Times Change. Seasons Change. Alone Again~Naturally!   🙂

Empty Nest has been the theme of this week’s posts. Dare I say?…It truly is a lovely Life! . A truly, relaxing restful week. (I’m fairly certain grown Son(s) would say the same if  asked 🙂 )

Whether to share this has been carefully considered over the week. Privacy vs transparency. Sharing with a select few is one thing.  Honoring others privacy in the story…Since there really is nothing left personal or “private” though, balancing the journey, perhaps.

Just as joyous as this younger son’s launch has been, another was just as Not . Joyous that is.

My older son and I had coffee a week ago  (another Thankful Thursday even though it began with a second flat tire of the week.). No big right? Big. We hadn’t spoken or even communicated for several months even though we live only about 6 blocks apart.

Sitting across the small Barnes and Noble table I saw the strong independent man he is. I also saw the wondering teen he was way back when.

It took much courage and determination for us to meet. Neither of us was at ease since several 2012 gatherings had all ended calmly…I thought.  Only to discover later how wrong I was. At ease, no. Determined, yes.

Memories or imagination have a way of wiggling and niggling until they create their own Life, if one allows…

Years ago it was evident changes had to be made in our family life. “Toughing it out” was only working for one, while the other 3 of us “suffered through the toughing it out”. All along, whispers from The Heavenly Father nudging , which truly I couldn’t believe. After all doesn’t God hate divorce? (That’s what “everyone” tells me. Perhaps you? ) Finally, at one point the Lord spoke like thunder in my head and the path was set. Quickly. Efficiently. Decisively I followed it. Many people were left shaking their heads. Wondering. Many opinions. Much speculation. The few who needed to know, did.

God hates divorce yes. But He clearly hates many other things even more.

Sitting with Michael  last week we each asked many unanswered questions. Deep down our conversation rings true. Still, his heart is of being let down.

Most of his mom’s (my) memories are very different. Likely because I know “the rest of the story”. For everything that has been done, or said, incorrectly in my parenting, I apologize. Privately and Publically. Matters of the Heart are not taken lightly.

heartthings
heartthings

And,  the things I did right I would do again. My role as a mom has always been clear and joyous. That you can stand on. I’m also humanly imperfect. That you can stand on, as well.

Many of the things The Lord asked me to sever from The Generations, they seem to have  at least flirted with. Perhaps you? You’ve fought (or are fighting): on your knees, in court or nose to nose, yet still it seems the enemy is winning?

Keep The Faith!

Stand. Obey. God is at the wheel, ready to demolish strongholds for the Faithful.

demolishstrongholds
demolishstrongholds

In the meantime , a few bits of advice from “the other side”~ whether Married,expecting,  single, separated, divorced, widowed~

1. As much as you can, talk with your kids (of all ages). They ARE listening. As much as you can. Listen. more.

*1b You must find time have fun with your kids. (The looks on their faces when you ambush them for a pillow fight at bedtime? Worth it)

2. As much as you can tell them what’s going on. If they are waiting for a visit (and waiting and waiting…) or phone call from the other parent, tell them the truth if you can. Simply. without judgement . Comfort them. Apologizing to my grown sons recently for what they saw as withholding: there some parts of this journey I will  never share.  And neither should you.

3. Counseling. Counseling. Counseling. Pray. Pray. Pray. Repeat.

4. Find a DC4K or Youth Support Group. http://www.Grief Share.org  MOST kids need to talk with someone who gets it. Let them. (Side note-if you’re afraid of what the kids might reveal, your household is in peril and you need help now.)

5. Single moms often over compensate esp. with sons. Trying to give my sons “opportunities” around the house  early on, became frustrating for them. Finally they said “Mom, you seem to think that men are born with power tools in their hands” Oh. I was there and I sure don’t remember that part of the birth. Point taken.

*Repeat*You must find “opportunities”  and time to have fun! 🙂

6. Think I’m “too strict”? Compared to what? 😉

7. Here’s the tough Truth. You raise them right. You instill the Truth. You let them go. There are plenty of statistics**. Plenty of opinions.  You can do everything “right”,  you can stand your ground , you can keep you r word, you can show up, and still it may not be enough…yet.

8. Keep the Faith. God is the only statistic that matters**.

..

Hear that? Restoration.

Until next time~releasing the old, embracing the new.

New Season. New Life. New Freedom.

and allowing God to do the rest.

How un-helicopter mothers parent

Considering it All Joy. Shandra

and as always Please share your own stories, suggestions, comments or questions. We love to hear from You! 🙂

~~~~~~~

Letters from a Skeptic

letters-from-a-skeptic

Where Is God When It Hurts?

whereisgod

 

Now, in 2015 sharing my stories & Journey here: The Social Scene

I guarantee you, God is real, Alive and Well.

Until next time, BELIEVE it, Shandra

 

8 comments

    • This was a challenging story to share. Journal and pray about it privately? Yes. Share? Not so much. However, as a commitment to self, Christ and others to live Life with an ever increasing Heart Wide Open…Necessary.
      Thank you Karen for your affirming response. Smiling backatcha today! Shandra

      Wendell, what a fitting reminder that even the “worst” or the “least” He can restore and redeem. Thank You, Shandra

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  1. Shandra, i think a lot of people try to fit God tightly in a square. Can you imagine the created trying to tell us how God the creator will react! Mary Magdalene, after Christ stood beside her, told her to sin no more. We all sin, and yet she was caught in what was supposed to be one of the worse…yet here God forgave her and she served him faithfully from that day on. We are all imperfect, Solomon in Ecclesiastes says “neither be overly good or overly bad! So we stay in that happy medium. Many times when God forgives we continue to beat ourselves up…where is our faith?. I know my life was not pefect, and yet he never leaves my side, when I pray he answers me and he allows me to share his love which he placed in me with other perfectly imperfect souls. But he still loves me/us. The best example always is the thief on the cross he defended Christ against the words of the other thief, and asked the Lord humbly to remember Him and the Lord replied today he would be with Him in His kingdom. The promise of His words was the treasured forgivness. Move on my wonderful sister and try to help many find the peace and true love that you have. Never doubt, God is not human that he would go back on His word. When you ask forgiveness…it is over live blissfully in His loving grace and continue to be the bright light that ‘He’, has made you to be. I smile with a certain spiritual happiness at this moment, know and understand that God is always true! Much love to you always dear sister, and God Bless!

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    • Thanks so much for stopping by, taking time to read and comment. I am so thankful for encouragement from so many. Moving on is a very good thing to do. God does indeed always come through.

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  2. “God is the only statistic that matters.” Such a life-changing truth! Thanks for sharing this, as I know it wasn’t the easiest for you, but embracing your strength and moving forward as the Lord would have you to do, is the greatest testament to who He is!

    Blessings to you dear sister!

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  3. God usually speaks softly, but when He Hollers – you better listen for sure. I am glad you could meet with your son. Each person remembers events differently and form conclusions that may not be with all the facts. You chose not to reveal all the facts and no doubt that was a wise decision. Life goes on, and I pray your sons follow Christ and keep loving you and others in the family too. May they allow you to get on with your life as you love Jesus. Thanks for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.

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