Parenting is a great joy in its season. We spend many lovely hours sharing stories and experiences and learning the deep lessons of each Season. There has not been a time when I have ever been sorry to be a parent. Never. All the naysayers who whisper “oh just wait….” til the “terrible twos” “Teenage Trials” and so on. Don’t listen.
Life is not perfect. People aren’t either. Raising children is a great joy in its season. Every Season. What ever age or stage, your job and joy is to raise them well, then let them go. So very proud of my Two.
Times Change. Seasons Change. Alone Again~Naturally! 🙂
Empty Nest has been the theme of this week’s posts. Dare I say?…It truly is a lovely Life! . A truly, relaxing restful week. (I’m fairly certain grown Son(s) would say the same if asked 🙂 )
Whether to share this has been carefully considered over the week. Privacy vs transparency. Sharing with a select few is one thing. Honoring others privacy in the story…Since there really is nothing left personal or “private” though, balancing the journey, perhaps.
Just as joyous as this younger son’s launch has been, another was just as Not . Joyous that is.
My older son and I had coffee a week ago (another Thankful Thursday even though it began with a second flat tire of the week.). No big right? Big. We hadn’t spoken or even communicated for several months even though we live only about 6 blocks apart.
Sitting across the small Barnes and Noble table I saw the strong independent man he is. I also saw the wondering teen he was way back when.
It took much courage and determination for us to meet. Neither of us was at ease since several 2012 gatherings had all ended calmly…I thought. Only to discover later how wrong I was. At ease, no. Determined, yes.
Memories or imagination have a way of wiggling and niggling until they create their own Life, if one allows…
Years ago it was evident changes had to be made in our family life. “Toughing it out” was only working for one, while the other 3 of us “suffered through the toughing it out”. All along, whispers from The Heavenly Father nudging , which truly I couldn’t believe. After all doesn’t God hate divorce? (That’s what “everyone” tells me. Perhaps you? ) Finally, at one point the Lord spoke like thunder in my head and the path was set. Quickly. Efficiently. Decisively I followed it. Many people were left shaking their heads. Wondering. Many opinions. Much speculation. The few who needed to know, did.
God hates divorce yes. But He clearly hates many other things even more.
Sitting with Michael last week we each asked many unanswered questions. Deep down our conversation rings true. Still, his heart is of being let down.
Most of his mom’s (my) memories are very different. Likely because I know “the rest of the story”. For everything that has been done, or said, incorrectly in my parenting, I apologize. Privately and Publically. Matters of the Heart are not taken lightly.
And, the things I did right I would do again. My role as a mom has always been clear and joyous. That you can stand on. I’m also humanly imperfect. That you can stand on, as well.
Many of the things The Lord asked me to sever from The Generations, they seem to have at least flirted with. Perhaps you? You’ve fought (or are fighting): on your knees, in court or nose to nose, yet still it seems the enemy is winning?
Keep The Faith!
Stand. Obey. God is at the wheel, ready to demolish strongholds for the Faithful.
In the meantime , a few bits of advice from “the other side”~ whether Married,expecting, single, separated, divorced, widowed~
1. As much as you can, talk with your kids (of all ages). They ARE listening. As much as you can. Listen. more.
*1b You must find time have fun with your kids. (The looks on their faces when you ambush them for a pillow fight at bedtime? Worth it)
2. As much as you can tell them what’s going on. If they are waiting for a visit (and waiting and waiting…) or phone call from the other parent, tell them the truth if you can. Simply. without judgement . Comfort them. Apologizing to my grown sons recently for what they saw as withholding: there some parts of this journey I will never share. And neither should you.
3. Counseling. Counseling. Counseling. Pray. Pray. Pray. Repeat.
4. Find a DC4K or Youth Support Group. http://www.Grief Share.org MOST kids need to talk with someone who gets it. Let them. (Side note-if you’re afraid of what the kids might reveal, your household is in peril and you need help now.)
5. Single moms often over compensate esp. with sons. Trying to give my sons “opportunities” around the house early on, became frustrating for them. Finally they said “Mom, you seem to think that men are born with power tools in their hands” Oh. I was there and I sure don’t remember that part of the birth. Point taken.
*Repeat*You must find “opportunities” and time to have fun! 🙂
6. Think I’m “too strict”? Compared to what? 😉
7. Here’s the tough Truth. You raise them right. You instill the Truth. You let them go. There are plenty of statistics**. Plenty of opinions. You can do everything “right”, you can stand your ground , you can keep you r word, you can show up, and still it may not be enough…yet.
8. Keep the Faith. God is the only statistic that matters**.
Hear that? Restoration.
Until next time~releasing the old, embracing the new.
New Season. New Life. New Freedom.
and allowing God to do the rest.
Considering it All Joy. Shandra
and as always Please share your own stories, suggestions, comments or questions. We love to hear from You! 🙂
Now, in 2015 sharing my stories & Journey here: The Social Scene
I guarantee you, God is real, Alive and Well.
Until next time, BELIEVE it, Shandra