Shandra Lee. With Heart Wide Open. A Miracle In The Making.

During times of trials. During times of Triumphs.

Not the prettiest. Not the smartest. Don’t know the rules? Don’t have lots of answers?

That’s ok. God doesn’t qualify me because of that, Nor does He disqualify me . He qualifies me because at every turn I choose to turn to Him.

His heart is full toward me for just that reason. I Seek Him. He sees me.

~~~~~~~~

A bit of years ago

The third day, he met me at my car. Oozing with resentment at my presence. The fury he held in, barely, between gritted teeth. “We do not need you, or anyone, here. We did not want you. I’ll show you the ropes but I don’t have to like it…or you.

Ouch

~~~~~~~~

A bit of months ago

The fury from across the rooms at my presence. Numerous times over. Aching for a pound of flesh. Resentment at my presence, my fails, my being.

Ouch

Anyone?

~~~~~~~~~

When ever you’ve been met with this reaction what’s your response ? All those years ago in the parking lot standing my ground, head high (for six years) while inside cringing daily and crying often , with lots of tongue biting.

I’d just left a community where for years I’d been loved, sheltered, respected. Family. (sheltered…we’ll come back to that. ) I’d made plenty of mistakes while learning the rules, expectations of this Family Community. “Paying my dues”, going up the Leadership Ladder, I’ve fallen through a few rungs. Humbling.

Until that parking lot day, I’d been one of my harshest critics while others had continued to accept, correct, guide, lead, love, include and promote me.

I’ve Always been the funny, polite, compassionate Gal who gets along and makes conversation with everyone . The gal that everyone likes. The gal that can work with~serve alongside~get along with just about anyone. A grounded Social Chameleon. It never occurred to me the next stop would be any different in that regard. (or any of the stops for that matter). Or that I would be considered unqualified.

And certainly did I never consider that I’d ever disqualify myself.

~~~~~~~~

Pain. Trials. Pressing in. Triumph.

And what did HE say?

Earlier this Spring, over 12 days the same recurring dream, each time more vivid, real and purposeful. Pages and pages of middle of the night journal scribbles to capture and remember …

A familiar paved road turning to a path paralleling a busy county road. Eventually, 5 Evergreen Redwoods have grown enough to block the walking/bike path. These 5 trees are fresh, green pliable at various stages of growth. The asphalt path has become fragrant Cedar chips, slowing me down eventually to a complete stop in front of these 5Evergreen trees. Thinking to myself , Someone should move these:

So we can keep going. They’re blocking the way. They’re blocking MY way.

Journal page:

someonjournalphoto

IAM Whispered ” SomeOne? ”

At that moment I realized, as periodically over my Lifetime and just months ago, I was again’ waiting for ‘Someone’s’ permission (to move forward, to move on, to belong, to stay, to go, to qualify) when someone was me”.

Anyone?

~~~~~~

If you’re expecting a ‘tail between the legs’ type, I’m most definitely NOT your gal.

If you search for a “Yes, Girl”  she’s not Here.

If you’re looking for an ‘admits or accepts her part in mistakes, repentant, learns from those mistakes, presses into HIM until HE provides the answer’ type, and then moves on it, that would be me.

A Peace Maker, Unity Builder, Fence Mender, Boundary Dweller? Here.

tumblr_mf5tfb725W1qhkcy5o1_1280

A bit of weeks ago

http://www.thefetch.com

“When you want something and you haven’t gone after it, sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself what you’re waiting for. Who are you waiting to give you permission? What moment will finally encourage you to take the first step? Sometimes we’re lucky enough to get that push we need from another or to have people that believe in us that cheer us on along the way. Most of the time, however, we don’t. Perhaps motivation will find you, but you better your chances when you stop waiting and seek it out yourself.Kate Kendall

~~~~~

Not the prettiest. Not the smartest. Don’t know the rules? Don’t have lots of answers?

Don’t have the right training? Pedigree?

That’s ok. God doesn’t qualify me (or you) for that, Nor does He disqualify me . HE qualifies me because at every turn I choose to turn to Him.

His heart is full toward me for just that reason.

I Seek Him. He sees me. That makes me SomeOne.

And that, Friends, is more than enough for me.

How about you?

Until next time, Shandra

Care to share any ideas you have for wisely ‘making things happen’? Making your dreams come true? Knowing when your dues have been paid? Facing oppositions? Leadership Links? We’d Love to have you share them in the comments. Let’s hear from you!

Related: Hope you’ll check out these resources then add your own:

One Reply to “Waiting for “SomeOne” ?”

Share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: