Shandra Lee. With Heart Wide Open. A Miracle In The Making.

You may not have even noticed the absence of this little blog. Just small doings in a Sea of so many really, really noteworthy and noticed. Yet it’s mine. I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the growth, the impact and the reach, no matter how small. The Lord has richly blessed One Woman. I’m deeply humbled by His Trust in Administering and Serving through His Gifting of Writing and Story Telling.

SO why the absence? and better yet? Why the return?

First. The Absence.

‘Someone’ or many someone’s whether intentionally, as a poor joke,  spam or a combination of all created a climate where for a very long time, logging on has been a challenge of wondering what I would find.Very Irresponsible.

Which leads to Second. The Return.

During this time I’ve acknowledged and let The Lord have some things about myself. Inner things. We all have them. We all deal with them. I’ve had Two Witnesses. Very strong Prayer Warriors who have been praying that this challenge to blogging and fully Living would end and/or be brought fully into the Light. His Light.

In the absence of blogging pressing into Him I’ve experienced great levels of Frustration. Anger. Resentment. Tears.  Being Powerless.

I’ve challenged on FB and Twitter. This has affected my health, my Peace and Prosperity. I vowed I would not allow this  in my new Life yet here it was….again. Every time I came to this blog. My own private, personal space. Invaded. Irresponsible.

Such strong emotions  that I’d not experienced since before I divorced. Feeling powerless. Helpless. Held Hostage. The more I tried to ‘fix’ it. The more I tried to ‘Bargain’ for it to stop the worse it seemed to get.

The final straw was Saturday September 7. A day for another New~ a half day kayaking class pre-booked & ready to roll. Even the Central Oregon sun was smiling.

My head was not.

Peaceful sleep, jumping up~ then the feeling , remembering. Instantly the pain shot through my right eye. Ocular Migraine. nausea, dizziness. Rare but a combination of stress, caffeine combined with a skin and vein condition known as Rosacea. occasionally create the perfect storm.

“I’m not missing this.” I thought. I’ve waited too long Lord. Please.

Driving to , circling the parking lot. Bright sunlight, wavy river, hot sun…Realizing this would be a big mistake. My cell phone rang.

The instructor calling to see how far out I was. Too embarrassed to tell him I was right outside. The pain, the stinging hot tears, the resentment. Bitterness tastes none too sweet. Apologizing for holding up the class and explaining , we said good-bye.

During this season I’ve been reminded of how it feels. Irresponsibility. During this season I’ve been reminded how it feels. Having No Voice. Laying in my cool room yesterday crying, stinging hot tears. Tears of Shame. Tears of Growth. Tears of Healing. Hot stinging tears of anger turned  to salty tears crying for the lost Seasons in Life.

Many other things about myself I thought I’d outgrown. The desire to fit in. To belong. Somewhere.

And something I’m glad remains…no compromise in what I Believe. His Word. His Truth, His Light.

Get out of the shadows or be gone.

Soothing, light sniffles, Singing. Yes singing. Softly Singing Praises To Him. For His Goodness. His Life.Singing with My Voice.

Yes, The Voice He has Given Me. My Voice He has raised up. Will not be quieted. Will not be Silenced.

I’ve returned at His Leading. With some precautions in place. The old is gone. There will be NO going back and at the ready to stop, move. migrate or whatever it takes to keep the safety and health of One Woman and you Readers. God Knows the whole story and returns My Voice.

Why there’s even a new “writer’ Gravatar. Did you notice?

Until next time ~when there will be MUCH more about Finding our Voices.

Shandra

Linking with Like minded Voices @:

 

Faith-Filled Friday.

14 Replies to “My Voice”

  1. Oh, how beautiful God is to have pressed you to return. To have pressed you to ‘write about it’. To have allowed me to read this in just ‘this time and season’. I bless God and I bless you. God knows why and I believe He is smiling…right now.

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  2. Shandra, i am thankful that you have returned. I have missed you and in spite of all that you endured, I know you have made the right choice, as you have always shared much through the genuine voice of your heart and spirit in your words. Hugs and blessings always dear sister! Keep moving forward and keep on smiling! P.S. I like your new gravatar!

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  3. So blessed that God has revealed to you what He has chosen for you. You are a new influence in my life, and I pray for you that God continue to chisel and prune, shape and grow, all that He has placed within you. There are people specifically chosen to read what you have written, and people waiting for the gifts you have to share. God bless you my friend…..

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    1. Bless you, Janee, Dearly Abundantly and to the Point you can barely speak “More Lord!”. 🙂 Thank you so much for your encouragement. You bless me and many others as well. Looking forward to hearing what HE is doing in your Life. xox

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  4. From time to time, I have had over and over written a comment to someone’s post, only to have it erase, accuse me of being a “spambot” or worse, there was no explanation, just blank and making me repost my comment. I have given up at times, but not getting to blog! Horrors! I am so sorry you went through this trial! I definitely feel your pain and am so proud and glad you had 2 prayer warriors/ great friends to help keep you positive, while frustrated, too!

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your trials too. Yes. It’s frustrating, aggravating, outrageous. These 2 Praying Women continue to pray revelation and Light into the shadows, while I move on. Blessings Dear Renee!

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  5. I hope you’re doing okay by now. There are many trials in life–in writing included. May this propel you to a better place in writing and in life in general. 😉

    Thanks for sharing!

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