Shandra Lee. With Heart Wide Open. A Miracle In The Making.

Me Too! Monday and Happy Birthday Daddy

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Today’s a VSD (very special day) in case you haven’t heard. December 9? Yes! A date that changed the course of a family and future Generations. Its the birthday of Wayne R White, Sr.

What’s that? O!! you thought it was October, 21 1936? Well Yes technically that’s is the Date of His Birth into this World. The birthday card is right here to prove it. The last one I never got to mail.

OBITUARIES

Wayne Rodgers White
1936 – 2013
Wayne Rodgers White, 76, of Monmouth and Mineola, Texas, died Sept. 12 in Mineola of a sudden heart attack.
He was born to Lowell Wayne and Lila Scarborough White. Wayne married Levon Goolsby on April 5, 1958, in Quitman, Texas. They lived in Commerce, Lubbock and Austin in Texas, and Richmond, Ky., and settled in Monmouth in 1968.
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A lifelong learner, Wayne earned a Bachelor of Science in mathematics at East Texas State College, a master’s in geography at University of Texas and a doctorate at the University of Oregon. Wayne loved teaching, especially geography, and was a professor at Eastern Kentucky University in Richmond and Western Oregon University in Monmouth from 1964 to 1997. He was professor and head of the Department of Geography at Western. He was also director of the Oregon Geographic Alliance National Geographic Society as well as several additional state and national organizations. Wayne had coauthored and edited numerous geography textbooks.
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Wayne was a member of Central Baptist Church in Monmouth.He lovingly doted on his children and grandchildren. As an educator, friend, family member, mentor and church member he influenced many lives.Survivors include his wife of 55 years, Levon G. White; son, Wayne R. White Jr. of Monmouth; daughter, Shandra White Harris of Bend; and two grandsons, Andrew Wayne (20) of Redding California and Charles Michael (22) of Bend.Service was Sept. 21 in Mineola at First Baptist Church. Interment was at Roselawn Memorial Gardens in Mineola.
~
Contributions are suggested to a favorite charity, Central Baptist in Monmouth or First Baptist in Mineola, Texas.

Coins for each Anniversary 'Birthday' of new life in Sobriety.
Coins for each Anniversary ‘Birthday’ of new life in Sobriety.

B-U-T, December 9, was his real birthday. At least the Date HE recognized. Sit back . I’ll briefly explain.

No one starts out or wakes up one morning thinking “today i’ll become an alcoholic” No One. So how does it happen? One little sip as young boy, a college party here, there. He was hooked. And not just on alcohol. No one goes out planning to spend all the rent or grocery money playing cards. Gambling. Hooked. A peek here or there. Pornography. Hooked.

No one starts out there.  How does it happen? Bills here. Children there. Not a cute carefree package for either parent. Pressures of Life, Career, Family, Status. Oh them? Parents? No. At times rocky but they chose to stay together. 55 years. They came to an understanding and lived a happier much more content life the past 10 years.

I’m thankful my Dad and I had many, many conversations around the issues above. Not always gentle or understanding conversations.  He expressed shame, remorse and sorrow for wasted years and broken promises and dreams. Outbursts of anger and resentment that I couldn’t just get over it. (Please understand we didn’t dwell here. I’m simply bringing you up to speed) The Little Girl’s resentments, sense of loss had s-l-o-w-l-y healed. Her boundaries, though, remained clear and strong. The Grown Woman? She often felt a mixture of pity, anger, offense and bewilderment that these were still struggles for a Grown Man. A Professor. A Scholar. A Christian. Her Dad.  We came to a place of tolerance of one another.  We knew our limits. We knew what was off limits. Thankful.

Each day he rose and chose to live a Life that tried to be the best he could . To overcome the challenges he faced. Some days he was successful. Some days not so much. The one thing he always overcame was drinking. Today. December 9, 1991. Sobriety Ruled. Well Played Dear Ole Dad.

One Month Coin for a Proud Friend of Bill W.
One Month Coin for a Proud Friend of Bill W.

Twenty-five or so years (and then 8 years ago again) a vision I had of myself at my earthly father’s feet. He in a wheel chair I cleaning his nails, caring for his bare feet. At the time my response? “Never happening, Lord.”  Thankful. That my Dad didn’t end up lingering  (he would have despised that!)

and greatly

Thankful. That in the past 10 years with The Holy Spirit working overtime in both of us  I would have graciously kneeled at, and cared for,  my earthly fathers wounded feet.

The brokenness, resentments, bitterness, estrangement that threatened to wipe away a Generation (or more)? Healing. Thankful.

While I never called Wayne R White the endearing name of ‘daddy’ after a certain point in our relationship. I can now. Thankful.

Next time? Oh yes I’ll tell you more about the immediate one day journey that  led  up to Dec. 9, 1991. (You can read the prequel here)~~~

If you or anyone you know is in need of support please contact for resources. Your loved one’s alcoholism AND sobriety changes everything.  YOU need support~~~there’s even a laundry list! Check it out~

The Laundry List 

Welcome to Adult Children of Alcoholics –

3 Replies to “Me Too! Monday and Happy Birthday Daddy”

  1. Such beauty and acceptance in your words Shandra. Gosh, I know how difficult that is and how easily it can waffle, for me anyway. I wish my Dad had too birthdays. He should. I do. Bill Wilson & I have also been friends for 26-years now for which I am truly grateful & don’t take for granted. Your Dad was an incredibly lucky man to have you as his daughter.

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    1. Karen, I’ve pondered much of the day your comment here, and still have an oh o inadequate reply.. First, thank you so much for your kind response. My dad was a walking / talking Miracle – more on that later. Second. Thank you, thank you for mentioning your 26 year relationship w/ Bill W. Thank you for being Courageous and Brave and changing your Family’s trajectory in big big ways.

      Bless you & yours. Praying for your Dad.

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      1. Thank you, Shandra. I can only hope/pray the cycle has been halted but yes, at least it has been changed in my family. My biggest blessing is that my children never witnessed my disease in action. 🙂

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