Sunday morning my finger poised over the “I wish to delete my account” button- tears streaming, no lets be honest- it wasn’t a Hollywood scripted delicate cry at all. It was the drippy nose, sobs into the pillows, room fan and TV volume turned high so no one hears, roll of toilet paper within reach on the bed blankets (the kind of cry where a box of hotel Kleenex simply cannot keep up)- yep that kind of cry.
I’ve had the final post prepared for months. knowing this time would come. I will not allow anyone to compromise my life, My Future or my family. I’ve not faced, stood, defeated, submitted & overcome all I have to …well that’s another post.
Contrary to some ways of thinking or thinking about me, I’m not telling you all this so you’ll respond ( although I greatly appreciate your public (not anonymous) feedback, responses or phone calls or texts, & lets connect- sit Down chats ) I’m not telling you this for attention seeking, I’m not in need of or searching for, a starring or lead roll. I have, have had & have yet to come-plenty of those. Opportunity seeks me- not the other way around. Before I share some idea or response -privately or on social media- Typically it has been well thought out , backed with data, insight, gobs o’ self reflection & almost always at the end /resolution of an event or season.
Fingers hovering over the ‘delete accounts’ to my social networks and this blog. Yet clearly here I am. Still. Why?
So here we are one day later – telling you this for one reason only. “Patty”. When we first met a few months ago it was in the middle of a major life event for my entire family, heading into the next phase. I knew she was the one who could handle the layers she was going to be dealing with. I knew not why, but she was The right One for this job. This Season.
As we sat in her comfortable room yesterday morning the Sun chose to bless us with a few warm rays and bright strands of Hope -tendrils wrapping gently around us both as she shared some of her herself . I in turn filled in a few more pages of my own story. Two things she said brought me to tears, the gentle Hollywood scripted type this time, after all I had carefully crafted the Mary Kay face for the day.
I’m telling you Readers all this because you never know who you are impacting in a positive way , who is watching or reading . What did she say? “Don’t stop” Simple.
“don’t stop writing. don’t stop sharing on FB and your blog”
Only then did I tell her how close I was to stopping , deleting . But that God had stayed my hand a few hours prior. for whatever reason.
So. here I am. Writing on through unwelcome attention and unwarranted criticism because of one more Acquaintance ~turned Reader~ turning Friend who said “don’t stop”.
Come back later this week if you dare, to hear what this season has taught me And some others . It’s not pretty. It’s not happy. Its messy. It’s real.