“Patty*” and I chatted. The similarities between her life and mine were truly amazing. The similarities –and differences –between her life and my Mother’s? Extraordinary. Two women, two families, two very different decisions. Thirty years ago feeling they had few options two Woman chose Two Paths.
“Patty” had married, had 4 children lived the Life she thought she was supposed to…then divorced her husband…30 years ago. At a time when Society was definitely against Divorce, she chose to Live but to do so meant she left a marriage Life where she would have surely died.
My mom had married, had two children , separated several times, filed for Divorce . At some point decided to stay. Two Women, Two paths. So very Different.
During our conversation “Patty” said something that helped me considerably and perhaps you – She said “Perhaps the men we selected were not able to keep Vows. Perhaps the men we married didn’t have any intentions of keeping commitments—or perhaps they didn’t know how.”
Perhaps it had nothing to do with us.
Like me, “Patty” and my mother were pressured by “The Church” to ‘work it out’. My own mother and numerous Christian friends & acquaintances said to me “Get back in there and work it out”.
When the White Picket fence amidst the storms of Life begins to tilt and discolor , it surely must make everyone uncomfortable. Even those with their own tottering picket fences…or especially those?
An easy fix! Surely! The onlookers say. Please do it for the Children.
And we try.
The facade we so carefulyl craft to look normal, to fit in, to hide the weakening foundation & growing separations. The drifts piling high. We work harder, faster and more furious to “fix it”. A Marriage. A Wayward Child or Sibling. An alcoholic , abusive, manipulative, neglectful Spouse or parent.
This season of Death and dying in my own Circles. So many I’ve watched over the years. Paths crossing again and again. What makes one family turn to The Light? Loving, respected, balanced? Another embrace Darkness?…or at least chosing not to fight it.
Letting go and moving on- of facing the hard stuff of Family Life – loving the Persons -hating the Sin.
Do they even Know?
With 3 Nails. King’s Road. Two Little Boys. One Hospital Bed. And No Choice.
Next time the turning point…One Two Buckle My Shoe
All rights reserved, February 2014.
(Patty*Not her real name)
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