Hawaiian Holiday for Friday Fictioneers 4/18/2014

It’s time for Friday Fictioneers! A  world-wide online collection of folks just like you who weekly venture  to weave  a story in 100 words or less .

Read all the other Flash Fiction stories this week here . Leave a comment, a ‘like’ or Linkup your own fiction. It’s lots of fun!

Learn more at- Friday Fictioneers

Weekly Photo Prompt Courtesy of our Bog Hop Hostess, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Word count: 96

Ready? GO!

monsters-dmm

photo Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

The shrill screams and raucous laughter rolled down the stairwell like a drunk on Saturday night.

“Do I have to do everything?!”

Roiling like a black cloud before  the storm, she thundered upstairs.

“We’re always late!”

Thoughts brooding on his failures & imperfections.

Flinging wide the door , stopping. He was wearing that shirt?

The one from their honeymoon?! What the!? What’s on his head?!

“I asked them to get ready!”

As fireworks sparkle in a moonless sky,

remembrances of their playful Hawaiian Holiday  twinkled across her heart.

Grasping a pillow, she laughingly leaped into the fray .

by Shandra White Harris

23 comments

    • Yes, indeed. More pillow fights less of the other kind. Thanks for reading & commenting this week. I enjoyed your FF. Hope they have a lovely checkers match. 😉

      Like

    • Thank you friend!
      The mermaind image on the back of his shirt gave rise to the writing prompt motivation.
      Can’t you just picture the Woman (or man at other times)? Ready to go, only to discover he dressed way too casually with a diver’s helmet.But hey, it was the shirt from their Honeymoon. That deserve some points.
      What are ya gonna do? join ‘em! See ya next week on FF. Shandra

      Like

  1. Good for her for jumping into the fun, rather than nagging or sighing and leaving. Families should play together and have fun!!

    You have some vivid comparisons but three seems like too many in such a short story. The second one also uses “roiling”, a great word, but very close to the “rolling” you used in the opening sentence. If it were me, I’d keep the opening one and get rid of the other two, then flesh out the story a bit more with the words you’d have left…or leave it at less words.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Janet! I seemed on a roiling role 🙂 with vivid words and wondered about that, as well. Your feedback is very appreciated. Sometime between Mr Perry’s read and comments and yours I had decided to re-write. Shoulda left well enough alone me thinks. See you next time on FF. Shandra

      Like

    • Thanks so much KZ for the interaction as Rochelle says. 😉
      Sweetness & loveliness seems my lot in Life. 🙂
      Blessed Easter to you and yours. See you next week. Shandra

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    • Thank you Amy. I so appreciate the feedback! Lightness is a very good thing. The mermaind image on the back of his shirt gave rise to the motivation.
      Can’t you just picture the Woman (or man at other times)? Ready to go, who knows where, only to find the Crew in complete disarry.
      He dressed way too casual and fooling around when clearly I TOLD him–er she asked him to get the kids & himself ready.
      What are ya gonna do? If you can’t beat ’em—in this case–join ’em! See ya next week on FF. Shandra

      Like

    • Thank you so much Rochelle! Many a day, or bed time, has been saved with a friendly pillow fight.
      Blessing to you & yours. See you next week . Shandra

      Like

    • Thank you Patricia! So many times we humans miss an opportunity to have some fun. If we’d just lighten up. During times of stress for my 2 boys growing up I found a good pillow fight would clear the air…for us all. Appreciate your taking time to stop by, read and comment. See you next week. 🙂

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    • Yes. Whew. It was touch and go there for moment. I, too, am glad the tide turned. Thanks so much for stopping by, commenting and giving feedback. 🙂 Shandra

      Like

  2. I was trying to decide which line was my favorite, but honestly, they’re all wonderful. I love your descriptive similes, especially her thundering up the stairs like a black cloud. I also really enjoyed “What the!? What’s on his head?!” Reading from her point of view really added to the suspense and brought more life to the story. Your beautiful ending brought a smile to my face. Well done!

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