Failure to Thrive, Time To Say Goodbye – Friday Fictioneers

But we know TheTruth now, don't we?
                                                But we know TheTruth now, don’t we?

PHOTO PROMPT (below) Copyright -B. W. Beacham

~~~

The clickety-clack startled her awake. Had  jumping on this train been a mistake?

Like this small town once thriving, now barely surviving, what’s to lose?

Dark shadows under her eyes reflect in the window.

The entire world awaited.

Her heart, once as murky and forlorn as this bay at low tide, suddenly rose in her, buoyed by a New Life calling.

Closing her window shade to that holding her back. Lyrics hummed in her head “They don’t exist anymore. Time to say goodbye.”

The clickety-clack lulled her to peaceful sleep, as the train rolled on.

Time To Say Good Bye
Time To Say Good Bye

The End.

~~~

Word Count: 95

Flash Fiction

1 photo prompt, 100+-  words, 100+- writers, 100+- stories. Check it out at FRIDAY FICTIONEERS .

Feedback is Welcome & I so appreciate your stopping by.

Let me know what you think in the Comment Box below the post, please.

Read the stories in this weeks prompt by clicking here:

~~~

What’s the song our Adventurer-Door Closer hums? Time To Say Goodbye. It Is Finished.

37 comments

  1. Ha Ha! Well thank you kind Sir. I will humbly receive the encouragment. Blessings to you and yours this lovely Mother’s Day Weekend. Thanks for stopping by!

    Like

  2. gorgeous story, Shandra…and the video compliments the story so well. i think the song is the same one played in the movie, Blades of Glory with Will Ferrell. sounds like the same but sung in a different language in the movie.

    Like

    • Dear Sun,
      Thanks for stopping by to read & comment. Much appreciated! Have a great weekend. Loved your #FridayFictioneers post, btw . Great twist!
      ~~~About the song & this post~~~
      As we researched the lyrics, for one of my students, I discovered it’s been sung by young Jackie Evancho on American Idol and used in several movies, as well as, being the title of several movies.
      While the stated (good ole Google) meaning of the song implies that even as she nears death, she’ll love him to the end , our #FridayFictioneers story says just the opposite.

      Her life; her choice. Make no mistake passing Reader-she’s done.
      As she rides happily off into the SunSet humming- Done. Finished. Arrivederci. Moving On.

      Like

    • Absolutely necessary at times to move on! Thanks so much Freya, for taking time & stopping by to comment. It does feel hopeful. Very much appreciated.

      Like

  3. Sometimes you’ve just gotta go, no matter how much it hurts or how scary it feels. I liked the image of closing the window shade to close out her old life ready for the “New Life” calling her (good use of capitals there).

    Like

  4. There’s a time to pack lightly and get on that train. Maybe even buy a ticket. Leave your baggage behind. Beautifully portrayed.
    (Don’t like Sarah Brightman, nor the song, nor the video. All too flowery for me.)

    Like

    • Oh, yes. Love those words “get on & leave your baggage behind.” Going, Going, gone! (I’ll look for something less flowery next week 🙂 ) Thanks so much for stopping by with feedback!

      Like

  5. this is lovely and beautifully written. I’m glad I popped over. My only criticism would be about the huge spaces between the lines – it doesn’t work for me. One space works, but the massive spaces create a sort of artificial gulf between phrases. Do you know what I mean?
    Lovely piece though – and I now have that song stuck in my head!

    Like

  6. Really wonderful pacing and mood. The way she watches out the window, wakes and falls asleep to the click clacking, really evokes the train itself. You’ve done a lot in 95 words, Shandra. Love this line: “Her heart, once as murky and forelorn as this bay at low tide, suddenly rose in her, buoyed by a New Life calling.”

    Suggestions: I’m guessing your wrote this on Word or some other draft and then copy/pasted to WP box? I do that too. If you delete the spaces between the lines, there won’t be such a gap when you hit “publish.” Also, 3rd line: I think would be clearer like this: Dark shadows under her eyes, reflect in the window.

    Like

  7. Loved it. However, now I have another song rolling around in my head. I get stuck on songs. It’s perfectly timed with the rhythm of the train. A talented piece. Lucy

    Like

  8. I love the note of hope at the end. I felt weighed down with her at first but by the end I was filled with the hope that she’ll make it and start over. “Under-eye” needs a hyphen unless you rephrase as suggested above. I agree with Dawn that it would be great if some of the space were taken out. You can do that by editing in “Text” rather than “Visual.” You could still leave a line for the break but it would make your story much easier to read. 🙂

    janet

    Like

  9. Shandra, Sometimes people have to move on for various reasons. I was born in a part of the country people moved to in search of work. They left relatives behind in their home towns and used to go back for frequent visits. They got homesick. Some don’t want to ever go back and some can’t stay away for long without going back now and again. I enjoyed the music. Well done. 🙂

    Susan

    Like

  10. Thanks for you invitation to visit. I just wrote a boat load of comments and accidentally hit return too prematurely. Nevertheless, I will just say this, disappointment can keep us in “what was” or motivate us to hurdle into “what can be”. I see many in The Body of Christ who are totally without power because they measure themselves by disappointment and failure, instead of looking unto Jesus who is The Author and The Finisher of their faith. There is no rewind…no status quo. After all, we only have so much time here on this planet. Then it’s time to pass the baton along…. Must stay immersed in God’s precious Word so that His thoughts are what drive us. This world is not MY home – I’m just a passin’ through! Thanks for sharing!

    Like

    • Hi Debb, Yes ! Every Wednesday there is a photo prompt for a 100 word Fiction piece of your choice-writing. Friday Fictioneers is on Facebook or found @ http://www.FRIDAY FICTIONEERS | Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple to see the guidelines. See you soon! Shandra

      Like

Share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s