“Come and See, what in Light and Love, He has done in, through and to me!”
The Woman At The Well. The Woman At Jesus Feet. The Woman In The Pew sitting beside You.
“It never occurred to try to ‘escape’ my ‘past’, in light of The Cross.” she continued. “It was done, clean, finished” She’d made some unfortunate choices since being found by The Holy Spirit. Unfortunate, regrettable, embarrassing. She was a very smart Woman & she felt she knew better. What continued to trouble her was the Double Standard.
“I’ve always, to a fault, accepted responsibility for my errors, learned, changed (or moved on if I felt strongly enough). I learned long ago to own it or spend eternity dancing around it. I’ve also learned someone will use it ‘against’ you , either way. It very much bothers me when others ‘get away’ with their part.” I always , often wrongly, assume that other will own there’s” too. At that moment my companion turned ashen, blushed deeply, then fighting back tears, she began.
She could hear the women at the round table laughing, the men across the room snickering.. As she entered they went silent, blushing, averted their eyes.
Recollections slid into place like the last pieces of a puzzle long since shelved and forgotten: the sudden unease of men, the sudden forwardness of others. Two female colleagues ‘casual’ comments defending their own illicit behavior “At least I was the one being pursued.”. Outcast.
It all made sense now, as The Ladies of The Round Table guffawed, “She actually offered to have sex”.
“What happened next”, I whispered, not realizing I’d been holding my breath.
Standing half into the doorway wishing she could escape. Disappear. Fighting tears, she stepped forward sitting in the one empty chair at her new teams’ staff room table. “I assume you’re talking about me. I’d like you to know that is NOT how it was. ” She knew it was hopeless, no one believed her. Only seeing her through the filter of desperate, stupid, middle-aged, delusional. “I was responding to messages. A game of Hope, he initiated. Bantering about a FUTURE, not seeking an illicit relationship.” Silence.
They all looked so uncomfortable she actually felt sorry for them. Bereft and ridiculous she understood. The tears were too weighty, the burden too great. “Clearly I was wrong”. “I’m so sorry” she’d whispered. Rising from The Round Table shame, humiliation & embarrassment fastened to her like a cold vinyl skin.
She could see it in their eyes- Hypocrite. Loose. Nut Case. Filters she cared little for, but which on the surface clearly applied, because as they all knew, she’d brought it on herself.
“Always remember these things.” 2 Peter 1:15 NLT
“My future is in your hands, Oh Lord.” Psalm 31:15 NLT
What happened? I’ll tell you next time- Until then be a Blessing, not a Judge.
this post may be linking with:
Hazel at Tell Me A True Story
Jen at UNITE
Holly at COFFEE for YOUR HEART
all rights reserved Shandra White Harris began this interview on 3/26/2013 final interview 5/2014