Shandra Lee. With Heart Wide Open. A Miracle In The Making.

5 Surprising Reasons Wives Lash Out At Their Husbands #TriggerWarning

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NO. I’m not married or engaged. No Surprises, no secret messages. I do, however, find myself in a beautifully unfolding, devoted, growing ever closer, “meeting each other where we are” dating relationship. Lovely.

(please keep in mind if you’re dating and not married, marriage rules  and books referenced for a future time NOT your dating relationship. your future Spouse will thank you when you, against worldly culture, save something for them. ya know? 😉 and IF you’ve found your forever Love, just save somethings for the Happily Ever After. #What’syourhurry ?) If you are married? You’re Welcome! 🙂

YES. Every bit of revelation you’ll find below I’ve thrown all 5 at him this past 13 months. WHY. #TheTrigger  often #FEAR .***

Thankfully he has had the courage to call me out- “Sometimes it feels you go home and think of mean words to throw at me. I would never, and have never, done that to you. Why?”

Ouch.    ouch Thankfully, he spoke up. Sadly, he was (sorta) right. There are times I’ve said to myself (and my girlfriends) this “feels” really mean during really difficult conversations. Sad to confess there are times I”VE likely BEEN mean during difficult conversations to family, colleagues, store clerks. Usually because of something below. and (unresolved) FEARs.*** Ouch.

(Next up on this blog several posts on ways I’ve reclaimed my core from   Fear. ***)

Below is a post re-blogged from Women Abiding  I came across in a blog hop. We’re not acquainted or affiliated but perhaps you can enjoy their words of Wisdom anyway. Or, perhaps that gives them more credibility in your eyes? At any rate, while you’re reading think about the Legacy you’d like to leave your family, your husband, your self!. #It’sNeverTooLate  to cool #TheTrigger  or find #trueLove  Shandra.


If you are anything like me, the person you take most of your frustrations out on is your spouse. One of the hardest lessons you can learn in marital life is to discipline yourself not to heap your negative emotions on to your husband. <– Click to Tweet

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In order to improve your marriage over this next year, the following 5 surprising reasons wives lash out at their husbands are based on observations from my own life. These may be helpful to you in recognizing patterns that cause irritability in your own relationship (Spoiler: you’re going to see a dark side of this blogger :-(. Read on if you dare…):

when you are tired

Fatigue is probably the number one factor which wreaks havoc in your body, both physically and emotionally. When you feel tired caution should be taken in exerting extradiscipline as a wife when dealing with your precious husband. When you and I feel fatigued, altered perception, decreased patience, and pride take front stage, trampling all who are in the front row seats – almost always our loved ones. Simply being conscious of getting enough sleep at night can go a very long way in eliminating a variety of stress factors in your life, which could easily spill out unfavourably onto your husband.

when you have been uncommunicative

When, either for lack of time, opportunity, or desire I have not communicated where I am at, what I am feeling, or what I am going through, with my hubby over the course of any period of time, I begin feeling lonely, jammed up, and frustrated. This in turn rears its ugly head in the form of snide remarks, negativity, and eventually outward, resentful anger.

You and I need to be aware that at times the source of our lashing out is because there are things going on inside of us that simply need to be expressed and shared, rather than bottled up, and then explode onto our loved ones.

when you are unproductive

You may roll your eyes or sink into an ‘I’ll never get there’ attitude when you read about the Proverbs 31 woman in the Bible, but there is so much to be learned from her example. One word that you could never accuse Miss 31 of is being unproductive! If she had been, I can guarantee that she would not have respected, cared for, and esteemed her husband as much as she did. Being unproductive can make you, as a woman designed to accomplish, serve, and function in the home, feel useless and depressed.

As a result, your husband and children will be directly affected, both in the home, and by your attitude. When you procrastinate or are lazy in doing what needs to be done, life simply doesn’t work, leading to tasks and tensions accumulating. A happy and cheerful wifie this does not make!

when you are disorganized

Forgetting, misplacing, fumbling between this and that… which woman is comfortable in this state? A woman who knows where everyone in her home should be, who gets people to their appointments and practices on time, who has her home in order, is a woman who is far less likely to spurt out accusations and complaints. You may be grumbling at your hubby because you feel as though life is out of control due to disorganization.

With a basic plan and some goal setting getting organized may be more in reach than you think.

when you are dissatisfied with the way you look

This may sound superficial, however, based on the second most important commandment in the Bible, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” it is not too far fetched to consider that if you are dissatisfied with the way you look, or the person that you are in general, it is very difficult to show love to you neighbor, in this case your husband.

I am one of these yo-yo dieters who is forever trying to lose several kilos. When I get on the scale in the morning, after having done my best to watch my weight the day before, and it shows that I have gained a few grams, I feel discouraged and dissatisfied. Unfortunately, this at times affects my general attitude towards my sweet husband (who happens to be crazy about me no matter what I weigh!). It’s a long shot, but I thought I would include this point, because you may have your scale dictate your reactions to your hubby, too, so it may be an issue you should be aware of.

Well, my friend, can you recognize the source of your irratibility and anger among any of the above scenarios?

Unfortunately, I have written these from my own experience and my poor husband has had to endure my lashings due to each of these reasons at one point or another. I am so thankful for his unconditional love, and desire with all my heart to give to him rather than to groan, and to love him rather than to lash out at him.

God certainly did not grant you the gift of your spouse to be a sounding board of the negative aspects of your life.

I challenge you to make 2014 a year where you exercise self control by the power of God, and grow in respect towards your beloved one with a sweet, cheerful, and holy spirit even when you are tired, uncommunicative, unproductive, disorganized, and dissatisfied with the way you look!

Which did you recognize as a common reason for you to lash out and what has helped you to overcome the temptation to do so… feel free to humble yourself to the max! :-) Women Abiding.


Humbled, to the max…in very good ways… and loving it. Until next time, Shandra


The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage:

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

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10 Stupid Things Couples Do – The Dating Divas

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